Why Finding “Mom Friends” Can Feel Like Dating—and How to Navigate It Without the Drama
Hey Mommas,
Let’s talk about something many of us struggle with but don’t always discuss: making mom friends. If you’ve found yourself feeling like the world of mom friendships is oddly similar to high school, you’re not alone. And while finding friends who “get” you as a mom is such a beautiful thing, it can also feel like a rollercoaster, complete with the ups and downs, unexpected twists, and, yes, sometimes drama.
In a lot of ways, making friends as a mom really is like dating. You’re looking for people with the same values, the same priorities, and the ability to support each other genuinely. And it can be tough! But here’s what I want you to know: there’s a way to build real friendships that matter—without feeling like you’re back in high school.
Choosing the Right Friends: It’s Not a Competition
First things first, let’s get one thing straight: true friendship is not a competition. You’re not in a race to see who’s the “best” mom, who has the best house, or who’s got it all together. Real friendship is about connection, encouragement, and support. When you start looking for friends, think of it less like “finding the right clique” and more like finding people who are on the same journey as you.
The best friends are the ones who build you up, who celebrate your wins, and who will listen and understand when you’re having a hard day. Look for friends who want to support each other’s growth—not compete with it.
The Mean Girl Mentality: It Should Have Stayed in High School
It’s shocking how often we still encounter that “mean girl” mentality as adults. There’s gossip, exclusivity, and judgment where there should be kindness, inclusivity, and understanding. And to be honest, it’s exhausting. As moms, we’re not only setting examples for our kids but also building a community. Our kids watch us—they’re learning from how we treat others, who we bring into our lives, and what true friendship looks like.
So let’s show them something different. Let’s teach them that real friendship is grounded in respect, support, and grace—not competition, judgment, or exclusion.
It’s Okay to Be Guarded—Let God Lead
I’ll be honest here—I’m very guarded when it comes to friendships. Past experiences have made me cautious, and while sometimes I hate that it’s so hard for me to open up, I’m also grateful. As a natural giver, I’ve learned that pouring my heart into friendships only works when it’s mutual. I’ve been hurt by giving too much to people who didn’t value it, and I know I’m not alone in this.
This season, I’ve pulled back a little. I’m focusing on building up my family and leaning into God to bring the right people into our lives. Friendships are so important, but they need to be the right friendships—the kind where you both grow, learn, and genuinely care for each other. The kind where you can have mature, adult conversations about misunderstandings without it turning into drama.
Look for Maturity, Honesty, and Real Connection
True friends are the ones who can tell you when something’s off, who will be open if you’ve hurt their feelings, and who will listen when you need to vent. It’s not about perfection or always agreeing; it’s about being honest and having each other’s backs.
This kind of friendship takes maturity. It takes a willingness to communicate openly, to admit when you’re wrong, and to support each other through thick and thin. It takes being there, even on the tough days. And not everyone is ready for this level of maturity—and that’s okay.
Guard Your Circle: Quality Over Quantity
The truth is, I’m not here to please everyone. I’ve learned that my time and energy are precious, and I’m careful about who gets to share in them. For me, it’s about quality over quantity. I want friends who are on the same path—who value faith, family, and genuine connection.
If you feel the same way, know that it’s okay to be selective. It’s okay to protect your peace, your energy, and the beautiful life you’re creating for yourself and your family. Letting in only those who align with your values is not only healthy; it’s empowering.
Showing Our Kids What Real Friendships Look Like
At the end of the day, the friendships we have set a powerful example for our children. They learn from how we navigate relationships, from the way we respect and support each other, and even from the boundaries we set.
Let’s show our kids that real friendships aren’t about popularity or appearances. They’re about love, kindness, honesty, and faith. They’re about being there for each other and lifting each other up—no strings attached.
To the Mommas Feeling This Struggle: You’re Not Alone
Friendship is something we all crave, and it’s completely normal to want those connections. But remember: it’s okay if you haven’t found your people yet. And it’s okay if you’re feeling cautious or guarded. Lean into faith, stay true to your values, and trust that God has the right people waiting for you.
Because when those friendships come, they will be the kind that fill your soul and remind you that true connection is worth the wait.
So here’s to building real friendships that feel like home. 💕