The Truth About Youth Sports: Are We Stealing the Joy from Our Kids?
This may not be a popular opinion, or if it is, I don’t see enough people truly living it out. As a mom and a coach involved in youth sports, I feel this needs to be said.
My personal philosophy, both as a mother and as a coach, is that kids should first and foremost have fun, grow to love the sport, and develop life skills that extend beyond the field—teamwork, active listening, respect, leadership, resilience, confidence, and perseverance.
But after having conversations with countless parents and coaches, I’ve realized that while many say they believe this, their actions tell a very different story.
The Shift from Fun to Toxic Competition
The moment the game starts, it’s no longer about kids playing a game they love with their friends—it becomes every man for himself.
Parents compare their kids to teammates. The competition for positions turns toxic, leading to aggression against teammates instead of camaraderie. Worse, parents and coaches either ignore the behavior or, even more disturbingly, join in. Parents gossip about other children, engage in nasty sideline talk, and even openly criticize kids on the field.
And let’s talk about those parents who walk into the dugout or onto the field to “correct” their child in the middle of a game. Here’s what you’re actually teaching your child:
They don’t have to listen to their coach. If they’re constantly turning to you for direction, they’ll struggle to focus on the game, and then you’ll get frustrated when they’re distracted.
They’re playing for your approval, not for joy. The pressure of knowing they’ll be corrected at every mistake builds anxiety, self-doubt, and fear of failure. They’ll either shut down, tune everyone out, or act out in frustration.
Kids don’t need twelve coaches yelling at them from every angle. If they’re taking private lessons, great! But instead of undermining their coach mid-game, communicate with the coach off the field about what they’re working on.
Let’s be real—running onto the field, screaming at your child, and berating them for mistakes doesn’t make them look bad—it makes you look like a fool.
What Are We Really Teaching Our Kids?
When parents and coaches prioritize winning over development, we rob kids of the life lessons sports are supposed to teach.
Yes, there will be days when your child—and their teammates—won’t perform well. That’s okay! Those are the moments that teach resilience. But instead of building them up, many parents tear them down, focusing on comparison, competition, and performance rather than growth.
It blows my mind how many parents stir up drama, then sit back and wonder why the team dynamic is so toxic.
At the end of the day, we are stealing the joy of the game from our kids.
We push them into higher competition levels at six years old like they’re already working toward a college scholarship. We see seven-year-olds cut from teams for performance. We prioritize “winning” over developing young athletes. And the endless lessons, harsh critiques, and negative talk? It’s crushing their spirit.
This pressure is affecting their mental health. The “you’re not good enough” messages—spoken and unspoken—are creating anxiety, insecurity, and burnout.
The Lack of Discipline & Leadership
To me, this all comes down to a discipline problem.
Too many kids are being raised with the belief that they can do whatever they want, talk however they want, and demand whatever they want without consequences. Meanwhile, parents give coaches ultimatums if their child isn’t in the right position or the ideal spot in the lineup.
What happened to kids learning life lessons through the game?
Discipline is huge in my book. And yes, that means if a 7- to 9-year-old disrespects their teammates, ignores their coach, or has a bad attitude, they will run laps or do push-ups.
Think about it—if you showed up to work and your boss gave you constructive feedback, would your parents storm in to “correct” your boss? Would they argue with management about your role in the company? Would you throw an attitude and ignore them?
Probably not.
So why are we allowing that behavior in sports?
Youth sports should teach kids how to navigate challenges, work as a team, and handle emotions in a positive way. Instead, we’ve turned it into an ego-driven chase for trophies and status.
Winning is great. But you know what’s even better? Developing young athletes into strong, confident, disciplined individuals.
Parents & Coaches: It’s Time to Step Up
Here’s my unpopular opinion: as parents and coaches, we need to be our kids’ biggest fans.
Not their biggest critics. Not their biggest source of anxiety. But their biggest supporters.
We need to:
Build them up instead of comparing them.
Teach them emotional intelligence instead of yelling at them.
Encourage them through mistakes instead of shaming them.
Be role models who teach discipline, leadership, and teamwork.
Let Them Be Kids
So here’s my challenge to you: show up to support your kid in their sport, not your ego.
Your child will thrive when they know you believe in them—not because they’re the best on the team, but because you love watching them do something they enjoy.
At the end of the day, the pop flies and ground balls won’t be what they remember most.
Let them dream big.
Let them fall in love with the game.
Let them have fun with their friends.
Because you and I both know—life will hit them hard soon enough. The disappointments will come. Don’t let those disappointments come from you.
Let them grow. Let them be a kid.
Because the lessons they learn through sports—the ones that shape their character, confidence, and resilience—will last far longer than any trophy ever will.