Life Is A Marathon, Not A Sprint
If I am going to be honest it has not fully sunk in that my husband, and I just ran a marathon together. It was just over 9 weeks ago that we decided to take on this challenge. You are probably asking yourself, why in the world would you do this? Good question, I would ask myself this same question every day I laced up my shoes and hit the road. Our why was big! It was something that was meaningful to the both of us. We decided that we would run to raise awareness for domestic violence in honor of my husband’s aunt. Siobhon was such a sweet soul whose smile and laugh would light up a room. In the days, months, and years prior to her death she was searching for her freedom. She wanted to embody the person she felt inside, but that chance was taken all too soon. When my husband asked me if I would do it, and his reason why, I knew I needed to say yes. As strongly as I always said, there is no reason for me to ever run a marathon, I was quickly proven wrong. With my PT background I knew what it took to run a marathon. The long trainings, proper nutrition, electrolytes, hydration, rehab during and after, and the time it all took to do it. Every day that we hit the road and didn’t want to, our why kicked us in the butt.
My husband had his own why and how to represent Siobhon, but I didn’t want to piggyback off of his. I wanted to honor Siobhon by taking the 8 weeks of training that we had, and I was going to shed layers of my past in order to become who I was meant to be. This is exactly what Siobhon was setting out to do. So, I did just that. After the year of even more self-discovery and transformation I was ready to let it, all go. Every day that I set out on my runs I would set my intentions to let go what no longer serves me and open my heart to new. Can I tell you how hard this was. Some part of me knew it was going to be hard. I knew there was going to be many tears; but not like this. With every tear I felt even more empowered. I felt the hurt to my core, but I also felt to healing that was taking place behind it. Through this journey I have learned to own my truth and speak it with love, grace, and understanding. I know I am not perfect, but man I sure aim to be better each and every day. So, the training in itself was filled with ups and downs and obstacles both physically and emotionally. There were many reasons why to give up, but one big reason to keep going.
The day of the race was filled with the same ups and downs. As I was nervous as hell about to run the biggest distance of my life, I was also eager to experience it. I am still currently digesting our accomplishment, but I want to share the experience. It was a day that I will never forget. As I said before we were both so nervous yet so excited. To the point that I think me hydrating was a complete joke because I used the restroom a million times before we took off and I was empty in the tank (my bladder does this every big run). I got in the wrong line to take off and it was just a mess. When we finally took off it was pure focus, get out of the pack and create space. Once we did this, it was a breeze. We were communicating with each other, being truthful with our bodies and making great timing until mile 18. My knee decided it had other plans for this race. I made it to mile 19-20 before the walk-jog action began, and then it was the walk. I couldn’t run! I tried my hardest and I was so disappointed. Here I am on the last leg, and I feel great except for when I run, what? I was now internalizing everything. I wanted my husband to keep running because the more I started to walk the more I could feel my muscles starting to freeze up, and I didn’t want him to experience the same. He continued on for a little while, but not for long. Here is where the internalizing ran deep. There were so many emotions I was running through. I was disappointed, hurt, angry, but yet determined. I would stretch, pray and then try to run, but quickly realized it was going to be a long road of stop and go with stretching after every incline and or downward slope which was the entire course. I finally became truthful with myself, if I wanted to walk across the finish line I had to listen to my body, I had to walk.
After coming to the realization this was going to be a long run, disappointment set in even more. I was disappointed that I was not able to run the last leg. I dug deep and I went to questioning. How did I not think there was going to be a test along this path? That one of us was not going to be faced with some obstacle. Honestly, I did not think it was going to be me (sorry husband). After my air pods died along with my knee, I had nothing but time to think and reflect. Remember, I set out on this journey to find more of me and to let go of what is no longer serving me in this life. I asked what this is teaching me? I went straight to my higher power (God/Jesus) and started questioning. It was as if the questions were already written, because the guidance flew in before I was ever finished a full thought. As I asked what this is teaching me, the inner dialogue began. “Sarah, you know exactly what this is teaching you.” “Ok, it’s teaching me to slow down, but why?” “In order for you to cross the finish line you have to listen. Not only to your body, but to your mind. Here is where you are going to learn, why did you start this process? What are you ready to discover and release?” Ya’ll, I knew that I wanted to cross that finish line more than anything. I wanted to hit our goal and I wanted to do it with my husband. I wanted him to finish his goals and I didn’t want him to get injured walking with me. I tried to send him ahead, but he stayed by my side. I dug deeper, I knew there was more to this journey, and I was ready to figure it out. I started to look around. I saw all the other participants, and how they were getting through. I witnessed individuals older than myself with more physical ailments getting it done. I studied their gait and went after it. I started to marathon mall walk as I call it. Once I realized my knee would hold up walking, I went to town. I started to speed walk, at some miles holding a 13 in a half minute pace. I accepted that I was not running the rest, but I sure in the hell was not crawling or getting carried off the course. I was finishing!
Once I got my rhythm down, I started to reflect even more. Ok, I got this! I am now back on track, and I could feel the finish line. As we were around mile 24, it hit me. I have never been proud off my accomplishments. I have always put my head down and continued to grind until the next. It was never enough! I was never enough! It wasn’t anyone else that I needed to prove myself to, it was always me! I rarely took the time to celebrate my small wins; so how did I expect myself to celebrate the big ones. Here I was about to cross the finish line of a freaking marathon, and I was frustrated with my performance. A performance that even with an injury we hit our target time and goal of simply finishing. I was frustrated that I didn’t get to cross the finish line my way, running. Little did I know this was the revelation that I needed. I started to celebrate that we ran 18 miles with stopping only to use the restroom and we were feeling great. I started to celebrate that I was running a marathon with the man of my dreams by my side with our kids waiting for use at the finish line. I started to celebrate that we set our minds to something, and we killed it. As we got to the last quarter mile, I told my husband I was running. That I was going to cross that finish line so our kids could see that no matter how hard things get, you have the power to accomplish anything you set your mind to. We did just that! We crossed the finish line hand in hand with our kids and family cheering us on. Was I upset with my performance, yes for a while, but in the end I am proud. I have learned a lot in the 8 weeks of training and the 5 and a half hours on race day. I have found my limitations, my strengths, weaknesses, and most of all my drive to be better. I also have found that I need to start celebrating myself a little more. This journey will forever change my life as well as the bond and connection that my husband and I have. I am so proud to have the man I do by my side. I am proud of who we have become and who we are becoming. Life is not about racing to the finish line. It’s about being realistic with where you are and taking it one step at a time. Just like this marathon had twist and turns in store for me, so does life. It’s what you do with these obstacles that will lead you to the finish line or take you out of the game. I am so grateful for this experience, and I am forever humbled by experiencing it with my husband and the 500+ other individuals on that track. Enjoy this marathon called life and take each and every obstacle along the way with you. Know you are worthy of crossing whatever finish line you set out for, you got this!
A big shout out to the love of my life or supporting me along this journey and running by my side during this race and in life. Thank you to all of my family and friends who were there to support us both through training as well as the big day. You support mean the world to us both.
Much Love,
Sarah Larson